Ignorance is BLISS

When I look back to notes that I scribbled down in my journal of the experiences I was going through, I noticed how ignorant I was to the whole situation. Not ignorant in an oblivious sort of way… I knew shit was serious… but, an unconscious ignorance. It is as if my fight or flight was trying to keep my mind from going too far to the dark side in an effort to keep positive to push through. Without that ignorance, we would not have made it as far as we did. 

When the dust settled and as weeks went on, little by little we started to see how serious things really were. Again, we knew it was serious, but we didn’t know HOW serious. We didn’t know that the babies had less than a 1% chance of living the day we got admitted, we didn’t know that the hospital doesn’t ever admit women under 24 weeks because of viability, we didn’t know that even when you hit viability, that just means their odds hit 50%, we didn’t know that babies born before 28 weeks were almost always destined for long term developmental and physiological issues. What we did know was that we had a doctor on board who was ranked one of the top for high risk twin pregnancies, we knew there were two happy and healthy babies still in my belly, and we knew would never again be able to sit in bed and watch Netflix all day so might as well make the most of it. 

I am actually really happy I did not start this blog when I was in the hospital. There may be some blurry memories, some backwards recollections, but my view of it all would be so overly optimistic. The phrase “ignorance is bliss” may be super cliché, but it kept me stable in the scariest and most intense 3 months of my life.